


history makes the record stutter

by Felikid



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Genre: 200 yrs post botw, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Gen, absolute disaster squad, affectionately dubbed the trash historian AU, no heroes no villains only angry teenagers, you can really tell which loz games I've actually played from this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27045571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felikid/pseuds/Felikid
Summary: History student Link has no clue what to write on for his upcoming term paper. Thus he enlists the help of his fellow classmates, the horrible but sadly smart bastard Vaati, and the anxious yet dedicated Beedle the Beetle Guy.This frankly bad decision leads to the greatest historical discovery of Link's not-even-started career, found in his great-great-grandfather's gross attic.Two weeks of holiday are alongtime when you're 16 and filled with rage.
Relationships: Beedle & Link (Legend of Zelda), Vaati & Link
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	history makes the record stutter

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the trash au yes the 3 tagged characters are the main squad for this. beedle based on botw beedle bcuz he's a sweetheart and i love him, vaati based on minish cap manga because i like that one.
> 
> only the most disfunctional of trios in my stories.
> 
> (also I'm not like, a hardcore loz fan, so if some lore's funky that's probably the cause. Thank you loz wiki.)

Link, your average high school student, took advanced history classes and was filled with an ungodly amount of rage.

He did not expect this to lead to the greatest historical discovery of the career he hadn’t even started yet, or the greatest historical discovery of the last decade.

* * *

To elaborate on the more important point, history had always been one of his greatest interests, not just because he was named after a great historical figure.

History in Hyrule was a tricky thing no one held in the regard they really should, considering how often it repeated itself. Luckily, it _hadn’t_ repeated itself ever since the Great Calamity got resolved 200 years ago, or else Link would be in major trouble because his name was, well, _Link._

Currently, Link struggled with a greater foe than demon lords – his term paper for said advanced history classes. Nayru decided to drain all wisdom from his skull, meaning he possessed no idea what to write it on whatsoever. A great deal of history had been violently anihilated, meaning topics were slim pickings students pounced on like starving eagles.

Another important topic, the fury burning so brightly within Link’s soul Ganon himself would surrender in terror, came about because of one specific person: Link’s seat neighbour, the second shortest person in class, Vaati.

(The shortest person, much to his dismay, being Link himself.)

Now, Vaati was a bona fide jerk. A grade A jackass, and a grade A student who totally stole Link’s idea because Link offhandedly mentioned wanting to find out where Rupees in the grass come from and _suddenly_ Vaati connected it to some obscure oral history he scrounged up. What even _was_ a Picori?

Link wanted to punch Vaati so bad. It was _so_ tempting to title his paper _Why historical evidence supports Link breaking Vaati’s nose_.

We follow Link to the cafeteria, speaking to his nemesis:

“Listen. I am going to stab you. I am going to walk home, and I am going to go into the attic, and there I am going to find the sharpest sword we have – let me tell you, we have _a lot_ of swords, - and I am going to stab you with it.”

“It’s a date!” the terrible bastard he wanted to stab replied.

 _This_ was why he hated Vaati with every fibre of his being. The guy had smarts to rival Nayru – which seemed like something he’d try one day, - and used all of them to torment Link.

Which made it all the more horrible that Link was in need of his help. “I have no clue what to write for my term paper,” Link confessed, “and I hate you _so_ much because you totally stole that idea from me. You owe me a new one.”

Vaati pretended to contemplate Link’s request for a grand total of fifteen seconds, making an annoying _hmmmm_ sound the entire time. “Don’t you have that really old attic? Maybe something of historical value is just _waiting_ to be discovered.”

Despite being a thieving bastard, Vaati actually gave solid advice whenever he deigned questions worth an answer. Like that time he suggested Link should use his dynamite. It was the perfect solution, given that Link “forgot” to study for the test, and it ended up postponed. Nobody ever caught him.

Link took back everything he said because he loved Vaati actually. But not as much as Beedle the Beetle Guy. That guy was the best.

Wait, no. Link suddenly recalled the state of said attic, which was Dusty and Gross. “I’m not rummaging through trash alone. You better come with me because I want you to suffer.”

After Vaati scrunched his nose in obvious disgust, Link added without pause, “Or else I’ll tell everyone about _the Incident._ ”

Yes, _the Incident_ , with a capital I, had transpired in elementary school. They’d known each other _that_ long, and Link suffered all the more for it.

Vaati never did get that stupid hat down from the castle’s roof. His fault for suggesting the dynamite.

Suffice to say, Vaati agreed.

* * *

Because any outing involving both Link and Vaati would either end in world destruction or domination (depending whether they worked against or with one another, a solid fifty-fifty chance), Link required a third person for his attic adventure.

He promptly decided on the love of his miserable life, Beedle the Beetle Guy. Beedle the Beetle Guy, as his name implied, collected beetles. He also _bought_ beetles in return for an ever stranger collection of knick-knacks. The dynamite he stocked once left quite the _explosive_ impression.

Sometimes, Link caught cool-looking bugs just because Beedle liked them. Beedle was nice. He wasn’t very smart, but he was very dedicated. Like that time he got lost in the forest and Link had to get him out. Or that other time he got lost in the forest. Or that time one of his insects gravely injured him.

Beedle the Beetle Guy was the least weird of the bug-loving trifecta at school. Agitha had a butterfly-themed house. Bee Guy wore a bee costume at all times. Bee Guy was also allergic to bees.

“Beedle. My best friend in this entire universe,” Link said with all the gravitas of a dead Bokoblin, “only you can help me now.”

Understandibly, Beedle reacted concerned. “What is it? Are you dying? Please don’t tell me you’re dying. It would make me sad.”

And it would mean Link couldn’t catch cool bugs for him anymore. “No. It’s worse, Beedle. In my infinite foolishness, I enlisted Vaati’s help once again, Beedle. Do you understand, Beedle.”

“And what do you need me for?” Despite knowing Link for two years at this point, Beedle still grew unsettled by his unblinking face.

Link gripped Beedle’s shoulders and stared him dead in the eyes. “Rummage through my ancestor’s trash with me. He might have pictures of bugs.”

There was no escape for Beedle.

* * *

None of them predicted what sort of journey they would be sent on, all starting from a desire to dodge term papers and Link’s great-great-grandfather’s selfies.

**Author's Note:**

> my update schedule ranges from "i finished the entire fic within a month" to "last updated 5 months ago" so i promise nothing.
> 
> yes link is based on the toon design because it's funnier that way. trying out a more subjective narration style was fun~
> 
> by virtue of having term papers they're all 16-ish and in 11th grade, the setting is dubiously modern and definitely not american, so have it definitely not based on my experiences as a german kid instead. i'll have a term paper soon and I'm gonna write about why i think crows have entered the stone age.
> 
> link and vaati's friendship consists of vaati giving sarcastic advice and link following through to _fantastic_ effect. yes they hate each other. no they dont. yes they do ;). they have advanced history together but beedle takes bio instead. He's not stressing about papers because he'll write on beetles anyways.


End file.
